The Parade

Angry antlers flail

Christmas cheer turns dark with rage

Rudolph, drop the mic!

Look, I compose haikus to help me get through life’s darker moments. We’re still a good way off Christmas, thankfully, but I just know that they’re going to try the Christmas parade again, and it’s going to be a disaster. Again. 

There was the first year when all the wheels came off, Santa’s car-sleigh veered into some shops, the guy driving the Vixen car hadn’t filled up on oil, his engine caught fire and the whole parade ended up a burning wreck. Then there was last year, which was…oh golly, we don’t speak of last year. The guy in the Rudolph car turned out to have an illegal firearm and he was NOT sober.

They tried alerting the car mechanics open in Ringwood, even encouraging them to come along to the parade to act as safeguards against car trouble, but that didn’t work last year with Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer crying in the middle of the street and unloading his semi-automatic rifle into the air because his girlfriend dumped him on Christmas Eve.

You know, in retrospect, that was quite an isolated event. It’s pretty unlikely that it’ll happen again, especially if we make sure Rudolph is emotionally healthy. 

So that just leaves mechanical issues. But the cars are moving very slowly, for about an hour…this is not enough time for there to be horrendous issues that need the attention of qualified car mechanics.

Maybe we can get rid of the cars and just do it with parade floats, like a normal parade? Maybe put some antlers on a few horses? Then the Ringwood car servicing garages could get a break for Christmas. It’s honestly getting to the ‘regular yearly apocalypse’ level, and my nerves can’t take it even though I’m off the planning committee. I now just compose anxious haikus.