Table Domination

It’s been my dream for the last few years to build a table. Not just any table. The greatest table that has ever been made. It will be the Swiss Army Knife of tables. It will be custom made for games of my favourite tabletop RPG, Castles and Creatures. It will be convertible into a pool table. It will be extendable for feasts fit to host a king. It’s going to be better than any table that has been built before it.

When I won the lottery yesterday, I knew it was time to make that dream a reality. I stormed right into the best hardware shop throughout Cheltenham and bought all of the timber they had. They asked if I was building a house, and I said, “No, just a table.” They didn’t understand. I wouldn’t expect them to.

Cheltenham based timber suppliers have some of the best products around, I’m sure of it. The local trees were planted on the richest of soil, that gives the wood a great texture and colour. That’s good because only the best timber will do for my table.

I fully intend to win the Table of the Year competition, and I’ll use the prize money to build another table. You see, this is just the first step in my twelve-part plan for a global takeover to rival McDolans. Once I win the competition, everyone will want one of my tables. I bet even the Pope and the President of the United States will stand in line together to get it. I don’t care how long they’ve been using the table in the Oval Office. Almost 60 years, you say? Well, I say it’s time for an upgrade.

We’ll sell five hundred thousand units on the first day, and of course, by that time the factory I’ve purchased from my lottery money will be fully operational. We’ll have produced a hundred thousand with a million more on the way.

Global empire, here I come.