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I have something BIG to admit: I missed an episode of Sails of Our Lives. And it’s only a weekly show as well! I just lost interest after the latest episode, in which Ingrid stated her desire to replace all of the floors with glass, because she likes glass-bottomed boats, and thus she wanted everyone to live on the lifeboats for a couple of weeks while she summons a bunch of glass repair companies from Melbourne to come and take care of it.

I know part of the plot is that Ingrid is suffering from Seaweed Fever and isn’t thinking straight, but it’s just the silliest plot ever. Imagine getting glass repair professionals all the way from Melbourne, when the last episode established them as being somewhere near the arctic circle! And someone needs to break it to Ingrid that most residential and commercial glaziers in Melbourne don’t replace the bottom of boats with glass. That’s not a ‘typical job’. Not that she’d listen, on account of the Seaweed Fever.

So…I missed any episode. No idea what went on; I didn’t even visit the sub-forum to participate in the discussion, which felt a bit weird and everyone must be wondering what I was.

Thing is, watching Week of Our Lives after that is like sinking into a hot bath. And they had a glass storyline! Monique had an extended flashback to the time she got into one of those human slingshots they have at fairs, except Kel didn’t strap her in properly as revenge for the time she threw up on his shoes as a two-year-old and so she was catapulted out of the sling and went flying right through the stained glass of the Realsville Anglican. Fortunately it was Christmas and she landed in the straw-filled manger set up at the front, but Monique has had a fear of glass ever since.

Now she wants to get a full stair balustrade fitted in, to show she’s not afraid, but in the middle of the installation she freaked out and ran out into the street, where she was trampled by a passing St Mullin’s Day Parade of camels (re-routed by a still-vengeful Kel) and now she’s teetering on the edge of life and death, maybe never passing on the location secret treasure map to the legendary stash of the Dumpling Pirate.

Gosh, originals are always better than spin-offs.